April 10th, 20:55 | Western Medicine Corroborates Highstrung Girl's Theory

Well, it's nice to know that at least when I think I'm stressed out and strung out under way too much pressure (how many metaphors can I cram in there?), my body will back me up and freak out also. My doctor (who appears to be a much better listener since straightening her hair) listened to my story. She listened as I told her of my ability to climb stairs and endure the first dragonboat practise of the year without keeling over, but put me at work, having a stressful conversation with someone that just pushes me over the edge, and two minutes later my teamlead is peering at me around our cubicle semi-wall and pointing out nervously that my lips are blue.

Anxiety, she says. I still went in for the chest x-rays, and will likely get bloodwork sometime to check that my thyroid isn't acting up and making me hyper-ventilaty but my doctor in all her wisdom (*shock* No you don't have pneumonia!) is betting her pants that this is all due to anxiety. i.e. My body telling me to Slow The Fuck Down.

Who called it?

I don't really know what to do. I've been on "turbo" since about October, and stuff's shifted around a little, but I'd say that my stress level has been slowly rising since then. I can't drop any of my volunteer work, and I don't want to either. It stresses me out to think of it as Yet Another Commitment, but everytime I'm there, I relax and it's good. But... if you take that away, there's really not much else I can change right now, is there? There's Workplace, my Failure To Get Into My Teaching School Of Choice, and then the people populating my life.

The easy way out would be to actually for-real make time for myself to just hang out on a daily basis I guess. ('Cause, you know, I'm just swimming in time...) Somehow, I doubt that particular band-aid would hold this off for long though.

It's time for some serious introspection.

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