November 29th, 10:44 | soon-to-be gym rat

I'm stuck.

I'm a paltry 3,527 words away from victory and I'm stuck. For reference that's slightly shorter than the "really long" essay I had to write in highschool, or about two small-to-average lab reports. I think the whole thing is actually just my own personal breed of panic-induced "deer in headlights" effect, which always seems to kick in right before the "right before" last minute period of a deadline. (Talk about evolutionary downfalls; I need to train myself out of that one.)

Anyway, I have a sizeable amount of necessary plot structure left to write, I just can't seem to get it down. Despite the fact that (storywise), well over 85% of my book is done, I just sit staring bewilderedly at my chapter summary, completely unable to figure out what else to put in. Which is ludicrous, because, that whole ending thing? Yeah, not written yet. So last night I sat down and just wrote out in point form the things that needed to happen to move the book toward the ending-ending (which, to date, is neither written, nor known by the author).

That was helpful. I know a lot of people who start their whole novels using that "fill in the skeleton" format, but I'm not so good at the big-picture thing, so I prefer just attacking small chunks, then having them join up later. For this part, however, it was a good idea, and got me out of my panic. Tonight, I won't say I'm aiming to finish (because there's also a big part of me that doesn't want to get to 50K, as that would mean it's over), but I am aiming to get another chunk written, to give my characters the closure they deserve, goddamnit. Maybe just one more cup of tea first...

In other news, but still in the spirit of excuses so I wouldn't have to write, I joined a gym. I know I was kind of havering over the whole issue before, but I've done it. Worse still, it's a year-long membership. I know that's kind of standard, but umm, hi? I'm lilephyte, commitment-phobic. I am not happy about the prospect of having to do this for a year, not so much because I was planning on slacking off and giving up after a couple months, but because... well, the gym was never something I wanted to make a permanent part of my lifestyle. I want the training, I want to learn what I'm doing, then I want to get the hell out, because being in a crowded sweat-smelling room full of other people who are either Way Too Hardcore, or focussed entirely on how Oh My God, Am I Ever Going To Meet My Goals, I'm So Fat? Really not my idea of fun. Yes, I'll go, I might even have fun, but gyms are a winter thing. Come summer there's no way in hell I'm going to want to be cloistered in that humming, whirring room, full of endorphins and simultaneous feelings of accomplishment and failure.

I'm sorry. Let me try again, without all the negativity.

I am scared spitless of this new gym membership. As far as I can tell, there are only two possibilities: a) Once paddling/ultimate season hits, I won't end up using it, and it'll be a horrendously expensive experiment gone sadly awry, or b) it'll eat my soul, and I'll become one of those scary, perpetually-grinning, gym-worshipping, kool-aid-drinking people who are forever trying to get their friends to go to the gym because, really guys, it's not like that! It's fun!

*shudder*

Let the gods preserve me from such a fate.

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