March 28th, 01:09 | Those Ico shadows can eat my ass

So I might not have any luck with the lottery, but apparently I can get away with murder on the freeway. Seriously. My dad won two free lottery tickets on the weekend, my mom has been known to win small cash lottery prizes, a week-long trip to the Bahamas, like 18 coffee-makers in door prizes (my dad might have won some of those too) and countless free movie preview passes. Did I inherit any of this random contest-winning ability? Apparently not. My parents hoarded it to win their trip to the Caribbean, which they gadded merrily off to, leaving my 13-year-old self in the frozen north, under the care of my grandma.

But it's okay. I'm actually not bitter because despite not having any of that mad contest-winning mojo, I have something I consider better: I never get ticketed. I've never been caught speeding (and let me tell you, it's not for lack of trying), I've never had a parking ticket, and I've definitely never been pulled over for any "serious" offense. (Well, apart from that time with the flaming poodle...)

Tonight, after an... educational intro to The World Of Post-NES Gaming (because apparently it's time I woke up and smelled the 90s) via Ico on PS2, I was speeding home only to be passed by a cop going at least 12 kph faster than I was. (Refresher: I was already speeding.) It's a nice feeling to know that you're not only beyond reproach from the law, but also beneath their interest.

Back to the gaming for a second. Since when am I a gamer? Was your answer "never"? Yeah? Well done. Unless it involves screwy dice and a whole mess of Cheetos, I am not one to describe myself as the gaming type. However I did feel, after trying to play Jedi Academy once while waiting for chan in her store and managing to slash my own teammate when I inadvertently changed weapons to a light-sabre, that maybe, just maybe, I should learn to use these newer controllers so that I could at least passable attempt some modern games.

I can't handle the three different navigation controls. (And given the choice between the two redundant ones, I totally choose the arrows; those joystick things are way too sensitive for my cave-dwelling paws.) I also can't grok that there are not only Buttons! on the Back Of The Controller! but there are two different ones for each hand. I mean, I was okay with them adding "x" and "y" alongside "a" and "b"; I could kind of deal with the SNES world. But having someone try to help you in the game by yelling "No! Hit 'y'!" and you looking down at the controller and seeing... a triangle, square, circle and 'x'? Not so much.

So I've proven that I'm a dorky grandma. A dorky grandma who doesn't get tickets, and is possibly the only person she knows who drives who hasn't. It's something of a trade-off, right?

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