l i l e p h y t e

October 15th, 17:06 | Come on Dover -- move your bloomin' arse!

I've been thinking for quite some time now that it's pretty far on the pathetic side how little I know about what's going on in the world. And I know myself. I know my tendencies to say "well... I'll read news sites as work!" and then read only the health, science and technology sections. I try. I really do. I click on the links for the international news headlines but... it's too depressing. I can't get into it because it's too damn hard to be there at work, looking for distraction, and force myself to read about hostages in Israel, or school kids being trapped and exploded in the ex-Soviet Union or whatever.

So. Because I work at a huge, schmooze-driven company, and smalltalk is not one of my many fine traits -- urelatedly, apparently kissing the Blarney Stone does not give you the gift of the gab, despite all the hype -- I figure I'll brush up on All Things Political. Some common sense tells me this is a bad idea since, as we all know, I was raised fascist, and my political views are generally not those which are popular and fashionable to air. But. I figure it's a start.

So. Where am I going to acquire this knowledge of Things Political? I figure I'll read books. I need a solid grounding in history anyway, before any of what most people say will make sense anyway, and there's a bunch of not-quite-political books I've been wanting to read anyway. (At the top of that list is Fastfood Nation.) So, my decision was that I'd tempre my voracious reading *cough* with some non-fiction slid in between my endless list of fiction books. I'm trying for a one-to-one ratio. Right at this moment, I'm actually two-for-one, with Innumeracy and Michael Moore Is a Big Fat Stupid White Man countering The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. We'll see how long I can keep it up for. It's not like I really have that much time for reading these days but... without books, I'd die. So it'll be something else to round myself out with.

On the topic of new experiences, I hit up Woodbine for the first time today, as part of a team-bonding thing with my workmates. It was fun! I was a little disappointed by my choices (never bet on horse #6; no matter what the race) but it was totally fun. Better still, I got home before my mom! That never happens these days!

Been so exhausted these days, I'm wondering how I'm going to do the WriMo. I mean, I've been keeping busy, but with that depressing sense of just barely keeping up. It's made worse by almost everyone else's random schedules, so I really haven't hung out with anyone in a long, long time. RecentEx is swinging by on Monday, before hitting up Japan for the year (teaching English), so that'll be a pleasant change. I'm a little worried about how we'll manage -- it sounds weird, but we're really good friends for each other. I know he's worried about being so far away and all alone. I'm a little worried about not having anyone to talk to here. Everyone's so busy all the time. Weird how it bothers me so much since I keep evaluating myself in terms of independance. I don't really know why it's something that matters so much to me. It just is. I mean, if we consider my crappy trashy-romance-novel-character heroines (Chani, Aviendha, etc.) and how much I always wished I had their gumption and ability to stand on their own... you'd think I'd adapt or... I don't know, something.

Well. I can hear my old self saying "the new year's coming... I can do something then", but the current me is looking back in scorn and saying "dude, it's only October -- that's plenty of time to make changes."

Guess something's changing. I'm not really sure it's the right one, but I can feel myself moving a "career direction", if such a term can ever be applied to me. I know now for sure I don't want to stay with Workplace for the long run. I'm surprising myself with the thought that I'd like to stay here for three or four years, though. What surprises me even more is that the catty comments from people in similar majors don't bother me anymore; I no longer feel the need to justify because, in a very vague way, I know what I'm doing now. And as long as I know why I'm here, that's really all I need.

So, we'll see.

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