July 20th, 13:51 | All to a background thought that it's probably my fault anyway

Apparently I have no idea what I was talking about re: the blogging hiatus thing. I guess it was just because I'd gotten out of the habit. (Warning: I'll be out of the habit for the next three weeks starting Friday due to being on another continent.)

I'm wearing flannel jammies, just ate ice cream while watching a crap movie over again in fast forward (2 hours in 20 minutes! Yes!) and am busily trying to talk myself into doing something useful today while half-heartedly picking up all the crap that's lying strewn about my room like so much dirty laundry. I don't know why I'm so down. (And if you're about to say it's the rain and the grey-ness, you're horrendously off-base. I danced home in the rain yesterday. I love rain. I just... I don't know. I'm finding it pretty hard these days to motivate myself. I don't know where my hope went. I hate being so overwhelmed by my own emotions; it sucks.

Okay, so we're going to pretend for a minute that I'm not fourteen years old and depressed because I just saw the boy I've had a crush on all year with some tawdry cheerleader, or whatever, and zoom in on me shuffling through the apartment staring folornly at my plants, listening to Bon ferchrissakes Jovi's Always and feeling discouraged and at the end of a chapter with no idea if there's even a next one or just the monotonous continuing parade of elipses into oblivion. (Did that make sense to anyone other than me?)

I miss being part of a team, I miss having someone who for sure, for sure has time for me. I miss staying up until all hours on the phone talking about nothing and being happy enough that I have no problems getting up early the next day. These days I have trouble getting my ass out of bed by ten, even though I know I'm getting enough sleep. (On a side-note, I went swimming this morning. Go me. ...yeah.)

My mom was saying that she thought I needed more (girl) friends to hang out with and be silly with just on a day-to-day basis. She says me sitting at home without even work, now, must be pretty lonely. It's a little sad that I don't even see the most obvious things till my mom points them out.

Guess I'm not doing so well on the introspection front, huh?

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