l i l e p h y t e

April 26th, 20:31 | No one to force me to watch the OC now...

I really couldn't bring myself to write yesterday, although I should have because I doubt I'll even capture half of what I was feeling but... I don't know. Overwhelming. Overwhelmed. It was a day full of "over"s.

Yesterday my parents drove up and moved me back home -- I'm done with my university forever. Most of my frosh had already left by that point, but a couple of them came by yesterday for hugs and to write down my email address and such. I surprised myself by not crying. A couple days ago they gave me a notebook that one of them had been working on for months. She tried to get everyone on the floor to write stuff in it, and even though she didn't succeed, I totally cried when I read it. (They do love me!) A lot of them also left their email addresses, so that'll be good. My roommate even left her home phone number :)

I felt so homesick cleaning out the room and packing yesterday. I didn't even have time to wash the marker off the windows and mirrors. Had I really only been living there for eight months? Those 36 other people, only residents of my floor for barely more than half a year? I walked over the floor right before we left, and felt so lonely and hollow. I'll miss my frosh more than they'll ever know, I'm sure.

It hasn't really hit me that I've left the university forever yet, I think. Mostly I'm mourning aspects of my don lifestyle. I do miss the computer lab, and the late nights there, but most of the people I hung out with, *ahem* was always hard at work in the presence of, in the lab, are here also, so maybe I'll see them around. I just... can't quite grasp the idea that I'm back, feeling too big for the much-smaller apartment now housing me and all my stuff (I swear I never would have suspected I own as many clothes as I do; I think, much to my horror, that I'm a girl) and that I can't just wander down the hall and live someone else's life for awhile, and forget what's bothering me. They're not there anymore, they won't share anymore (in all likelihood), they're off launching themselves into their beginnings. I'm... trying to realize that this is an ending.

All signs point to working at Workplace for another year, come September. Really must make a decision about that. Can't just have endings without beginnings.

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