l i l e p h y t e


October 6th, 04:00 | If you're listening... sing it back...

What a change of mood.

Maybe an hour ago I was going to write in here, an entry starting with "nothing is lonely like knowing you're the only one still awake". But I didn't. I got distracted by homework or something. And now, it's later, I'm tempted to watch the sunrise, and I feel fabulous. And it's not just the change of music. I just feel better. What is it with me and the crazy moodswings? PMS maybe? Gah.

I went from feeling completely discouraged about the assignments I had due to feeling completely in control. Earlier I had a biochem assignment which I hadn't started on. Due to procrastination, lack of focus, and a froshie who dropped in to "chat" (can such a word still be used once it goes past half an hour?) at an inopportune moment (thereby adding to my lack of focus) I didn't actually get started on it till 2. But... it's not as scary as I thought -- mostly calculations -- and life is good. Having glanced through my AI assignment again, which I thought to be pretty much all done, I realized I forgot to do a couple fairly large things. Go me. But... while this would have been overwhelming in my former mood, now... I can take it all in stride.

I'm about to take off to bed, and get up early. My point is really just that so much of everything depends on point of view. I wish... I wish I could always just snap myself into this mood when I needed to. I'm really proud of myself because I didn't need someone else to pull me up here. It wasn't a late-night rescue from someone else like I always seem to need. It was just me. I've mastered that cruel bitch Recursion (a feat I never would have thought possible three years ago)... is it possible I've also perhaps glimpsed the way to bootstrap myself?

I'm feeling good, so I'm not going to analyze my hyper-geekiness just now. I do, however, need sleep. And tomorrow, I'll finish up everything I wanted to do this weekend that I couldn't due to Homecoming. Ah, sweet university. I'll miss you when I'm gone. In the meantime, though, it's time for some fucking sleep.


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