l i l e p h y t e

January 27th, 17:31 | And she's not dead, y'all

Gearing up to tie loose ends before "the" new year. Feeling good. Talked to Roo, told him about Pseudo-Brother, so that's all settled. Still need to find the boy a name though. (I think in here he'll be "Boy". It's easiest.)

On the boy front, I can finally manage a coherent sentence, now that I've some idea of what's going on. Despite good advice, and common sense, I'm leaping. Part of it, I will admit, is because I miss having someone to belong to, and the wondering "what if". A bigger part, though, a much bigger part comes with the thought that, really, I've always thought of him being there in my life; I've toyed with the idea of us dating before, in kind of a vague, hazy "hmm, I wonder" kind of way. Never really thought about it mostly because...well... he seemed so remote. Not unattainable so much as just not available. I'm not sure if that makes any sense.

There are a zillion reasons why this is a bad idea, and so far, I've got a couple lame reasons why it might not be, alongside my main one: because I want to. I'm scared; a year is a long time to wait to finally be able to be with someone, but for some reason, it doesn't seem scarily unfeasable. (Been reading too much Siopup possibly. Well, you know "too much".) It just clicks together. And there was no adjusting or awkwardness. We already know how to talk to each other and think together. Everything just slides so well; if I believed in that sort of thing, I'd almost believe it was fated.

I'm at home wondering how exactly I'm going to get my psych finished up in time for tomorrow night, how I'm going to focus over the next three months (although I really, really need to) and how much I hope (hope, hope, hope!) that I get into UoO's medschool or teaching school. I don't care which. But. I can worry about that later. For now, psych, and whether or not they'll take me (again!) as a don.

It's strange to feel like I have a plan again. I remember feeling that way in frosh year, but then feeling lost. Now, I have a plan, I have a strategy just... I'm not sure I can do it. only one way to find out, I suppose.

I love this feeling; like I'm on an adventure. ^_^

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