January 15th, 23:18 | so shallow; so sleepy

So after a long separation, I was once again reunited with my tutorling this morning. Way too freaking early this morning. We read a Robert Munsch book (we both like R. Munsch apparently -- but hey, who doesn't?) and kicked ass by being the first to complete a geography activity. (It was for North America. The theme is "The Amazing Race" and there's one activity for each continent.) We're currently sitting pretty in the South American jungle waiting for the next activity.

She really liked the gift I got her (small plush dog) and that makes me so stupidly happy. It's been awhile since I've been able to see such concrete evidence of my own impact on someone. (Hey lilephyte, need validation much?) I can totally understand why people say working with little kids is rewarding on days like today. Still think I want to teach higschool though. Anyway, right, so, validation. Pathetic as it is, I feel much more myself (my former, sparkly self) today. Better still, I have a physical reminder of this epiphany. My tutorling's dad was a little late to pick her up, so we were drawing pictures with chalk (when you smudge it, it looks like watercolour! my 9-year-old tutorling is teaching me stuff!) and she also made me this awesome doodle of a heart. ...I am totally the sappiest person ever.

Part of this Return To, Ahem, Sanity was also due to hanging out with a coworker (kind of; same area, different team) last night. We are united by our mutual unhappiness at Workplace and are kind of working as a buddy system to keep each other motivated and on-track to get out of there. But more importantly, one of the members of his team, who I've been vaguely aware of since my internship, has come into my focus, and I Have An Idea.

Having gotten this far, I'm a little hesitant now to get it down in "writing", as it were. Because I know how psychotic it is. But... I totally worry for this non-buddied-up coworker (henceforth known as The Subject). He's super-unhappy, and seems to be having his personality drained out of him as the days tick by, instead replaced by mounting bitterness and resignation. It makes me sad. I don't really know what I can do for him ("Sir! You need to be rescued from your own life, and by a complete stranger!") but I do want to do something. Reach out and touch him, as it were.

Thus far, I've got a mixed tape that I'm 70% done making. Don't ask me why I think this will help. Other questions not to ask me include Why I think this is any of my business, Whether or not I've tried, you know, just talking to him about it (answer to that : no, I think he's scared of me; most introverts are), and Why haven't I tried consulting with one of the newer members of my team, who's probably The Subject's closest work-friend.

I'll figure it out as I go, I guess. For now, I'm just running on impulse and intuition. And I'm excited about having a chance to try to be sparkly again. Finally.

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