January 6th, 01:09 | a flotilla of ducks!

Just back from a walk by the lake, and I feel as though I'm floating on air. A remarkable improvement for a half-hour jaunt.

Outside, the night is beautiful, all sparkle in the snow, bright quiet moonlight shining all lustre, so even with the stars aglow, I could see clouds in the sky and the water all whispery blue-not-quite-black. It looked like a bluer, deeper version of daytime, and there was a flotilla of ducks (I thought it was too cold for them!) quacking at each other drifting on the waves. I even twirled.

It's a beautiful night, all hush (my hoodies muffle the idiotic screaming from residence) with Nyx hugging me to her, in confidence. Tonight was mine. Not a soul around, even the ducks washed out by the sound of the lake lapping. If it weren't so cold, I'd still be out there.

And I wished so much to have someone to share it with. Someone to witness the amazing tide-change in my mood as I went from disconsolate, so disheartened through calm, into jubilant, full of verve and awe at the beauty of the world. One of the cruise ships was out on the lake tonight, all decked out with lights. It sparkled in the distance, and even though it must be so, so cold on that ship, it looked all pretty.

I wished I had someone to see it. Someone to watch the way the waves slid, smooth, over the flat rocks on the shore. To see those shiny-shiny rocks all gleaming with ice, and the rock with snow on, but with ice drips that glinted like teeth in a monster head on the east side of the sticky-out bit.

I wanted the Boy to be there, or any of my friends, just to see that scene. When I discovered that the flock of "floating things?" were ducks (when they quacked), that goldmine of excitement and surprise. But honestly... that's probably the only thing I could have shared.

I could have pointed out the rocks, the beauty of the sky pretending to be a deeper, darker Day, even the calm and majesty of the lake. But I can't share the way the lake mirrors my mood perfectly. How as I felt happier, and more encouraged the waves grew faster (or maybe it was the other way around?) and more playful. The way the lake waits, slows down for me when I'm thinking, all hush, until I figure it out. What I love so much about the lake is the way it mirrors me. And I can't really share that with anyone, you know? It's one of those things only I can really appreciate. The other part of it is that if there were someone else there, I probably wouldn't feel it. I mean, the lake's a jealous gal, I doubt she'd want to share me.

...well, whatever. I know what I mean :) I know that nothing's solved, nothing's better. It just... doesn't look so bad. Which is a pretty good way to feel before you go to bed. So g'night world. (g'night moon!)

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