l i l e p h y t e


August 27th, 19:02 | My God, it's full of stars

It's so strange. The way I can walk across campus, on my nighttime trek to A Machine That Can Talk To The World (or really, any machine at all), and hear all the same insect noises. The crickets and june bugs all chittering at each other. The same vague, distant sound of voices calling to each other, and laughing. If I listen hard, I can even hear the waves from the lake. But it's not the same. Not at all. I look up and the sky is empty except for the two or three stars who aren't hiding behind the campus and streetlight glow, and somewhere between two buildings comes an eerie wail that's new to me despite no visible change in the building's structure from my old days.

Last night I barely slept. After a day of playing beach v-ball hardcore (seriously, I had sand in my ear) and training in fairly easy sessions, I took a little break from everyone around me, walked out to the floating dock wrapped up in the Boy's hoodie and camped out there, staring up into the sky. My God, it's full of stars. I couldn't help thinking that. I could see Mars, and stars, and even the milky way. I cursed my lack of constellation-naming ability. I could hear the waves occasionally hush up against the buoys and dock swaying under me as I stared up and missed the Boy horribly. It was something we'd wanted to do in Timmins. And there I was, on a lake with water that was so... so *thick* (I really have no other word for it) all alone in the cold night surrounded by stars, and where was he?

The wind is something fierce though, and I retreated back to the fire (one of very few remaining) and listened to two guys with guitars and PokerFiend's friend occasionally singing. Pretty awesome. I was camped on the sand with essentially a monopoly on the fire till the guys decided to go to bed. One of the other guys asked me if I wanted to head back out to the docks to stargaze, so I grabbed my sleeping bag and went. We talked about pretty much everything; so nice to get a chance to relate and connect normally with all these people I seem to be meeting under extremely strangely energetic circumstances. He told me stories about his girlfriend and family and profs. I told him about my family's roadtrips and the Boy and some of my not-so-bizarre theories. It was a good time. The swaying of the dock became more violent as the wind picked up. Nice to chat with someone who also thinks about the strange things occasionally though. Kind of like RecentEx, really, only perhaps not so self-assured.

At some point very, very late, I took my achingly cold self back to our cabin, and went to bed. So warm. So tired now. I have to keep telling myself it'll only be four days until I have my room. Until I'll have more than just a suitcase of clothes and my sleeping bag with me. Until I'll have my machine and net access and a phone and the ability to talk to everyone who makes me feel special and cared about, the lack of which has been getting me down a bit of late.

Someone asked to borrow a pen from me and just returned it, informing me I was the best. I spent a good two hours tonight working on my floor theme decorations, only to realize I probably wasted most of that time. My shoulders are sore from today's canoeing, and everything else is sore from the volleyball. I'll probably be unsatisfied with the now empty-seeming sky after last night. But in a way that makes me happy.

I think it's going to be okay. Everything. Absolutely everything.


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