April 7th, 22:53 | When I think of your kisses, my mind see-saws

Ah, music. What the fuck would I do without you? Seriously, I feel like Rob Gordon. Some days, I can't understand how I can live with as few cds/records/mp3s as I have. It'll never be enough. Music has always been a great solace -- I can take out everything I want on it, and it'll never be hurt or resentful -- but it used to be comforting in a different way.

In highschool, and my first couple years at university, the angry/sad music-listening was very similar to the accoustic version of a comfort blanket. I'd wrap myself up in music I knew so well I'd probably recognize the strains of someone playing it from two floors up. It was an old friend. I thought of other times, of people, of things they'd said or done. Somewhere along the way, though, my strategy towards the comfort music thing changed. Suddenly it wasn't the worn-flannel music I wanted (well, inasmuch as one can compare NIN to flannel) but something new. It was like everything I was feeling was new, or was old, seen from a new perspective, or old but experienced in a new setting. Whatever it was, The Old Comfort Music wasn't going to cut it, and usually just ended up pissing me off.

Suddenly, I didn't want to be reminded of old people and places and times and things said. What I wanted was something totally new, totally spur-of-the-moment, but that also completely summed up my mood. I wanted instant empathy in the form of music I'd never heard before.

I have no idea how it started. I suspect that one of the earliest incidents was with my investigation of Slowdive in first year, when the traditional mournful Veruca Salt and angsty Pumpkins wasn't enough, and Tea Party made me cry with longing over Mathie_Ex. (Or rather made me cry with longing over everything I wished Mathie_Ex would make me feel.)

Since then, though, whenever I know I'm in my Caged Tiger mood, not angry enough to rage, but still pretty pissy, I hit sites I know will be rambling about new music (or at least music I'm not likely to have heard much of). For example, Kilgore's all over some new cd (which I didn't check out), Chris is always good for music ideas; he's the one who got me into Slowdive in the first place, and also the one who reminded me how yummy The Cure are. Etc.

So, I remembered at some point tonight that Nina's got her Top-400 favourite cds or something listed on her site, and looked that up. I've spent most of tonight (in between re-reading the psych text in preparation for Thursday's exam) acquiring and listening to Joni Mitchell's Blue (along with miscellany by The Muffs), which, as Nina promises, does include many vocal gymnastics, but is also very... kind of whimsical and haunting? It's just good. Probably the main reason I went with this rather than any of her other suggestions is because I already had a couple tracks off the album anyway, and they were what I was in the mood for (and still am, actually), and I'm feeling much better. It's a good cd, yo; check it out.

I'm still a little crackly with Boy, because we've been Tense-Emailing each other, and I know I was snippier than I should have been, but he could be less of a bitch too. Okay, that's not fair; it was like 80% on my side. I'll make ammends tomorrow morning when I'm mature again. *cough*

Also, I think I've forgotten the proper uses of semi-colons. This is going to keep me up tonight; I can feel it.

When I think of your kisses
My mind see-saws
Do you see - do you see - do you see
How you hurt me baby
So I hurt you too
Then we both get so blue

(...)

I want to have fun, I want to shine like the sun
I want to be the one that you want to see
I want to knit you a sweater
Want to write you a love letter
I want to make you feel better
I want to make you feel free

"All I Want", Joni

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