April 1st, 20:51 | Mmm... soap...

Okay, so sending my sister that soap link totally backfired on me, 'cause now I'm just scrolling through and completely drooling over their stuff, even though I haven't used bar soap in years. I really should try it too; most of the stuff I own dries out my skin like crazy.

But. That was not what I wanted to write about. As I sit here, avidly avoiding studying for my psych (foolish girl! the exam is next Thursday!) I'm thinking about, well, two things. One is my shoddy focus and how on Earth I think I'm going to get through my last year when my Boy is two+ hours away, and I'm a don, and the other is about whether or not I'm hard-working.

Most days, I think I'm pretty lazy. I mean, really, I am. I'm working full-time, taking a correspondance course (which is now drawing to a close, so the only work is to study for the exam) and I'm taking a cram course, which ends at the end of month. On the surface, it's quite a lot of work, but if you break it down into hours, I probably could manage it and a social life, simultaneously. I, however, have wimped out, knowing that my focus is awful, and chosen to focus (mostly) on the schooling. Fine.

If you take the hours though, I'm putting in less work for the cram course, certainly than most of the others in the class. I'm just now starting in on the readings (which I couldn't do before, due to working on psych) and I'm nowhere near done all the practice tests and such. For some reason that doesn't worry me.

The Boy thinks I'm crazy hard-working for all this. I'm not really sure why. It seems like something I should be able to do. You know? I mean, I spend most of my time at work relaxed. Or so I thought. If I think about it, it's not quite true. I take, on average, somewhere around 20 - 30 calls more than most of the other folks on the team. This has to do with the fact that I'm fast. I mean, it can be good, or bad. One of my coworkers takes his calls much more slowly, but is more thorough. Some people like that. I tend to be short and sweet-style; people who know what they're looking for like talking to me, 'cause they get their answers fast. Whatever, you need both. I also, however, deal with all the email the team gets. Some of it, I'll re-route to other people, but for the most part, I do it all.

This week has been a little strange; my teamlead is away on jury duty, and the email has been extra heavy, so I've been worked a little harder than usual. Also, since I gave up icq, I work a lot better, so I feel good about that. I still have some free time kicking around to read my webcomics and stuff though. So I feel that although I'm there and working for almost the whole day's stretch, that I'm kind of slacking.

Today,the organizer of one of the promotions we support dropped by to thank me and my coworker (out of a team of around 8 people) for our work specifically. That coworker (the slower, more patient one) and I are the only two French-speaking reps on the team, and this program is obviously not built to handle it, so we work our asses off for that aspect.

It made me feel kinda guilty to be getting credit for something which I'm sure the entire team works for. But in the back of my head, finally heard over the normal voice that says that compared to "normal people" (whoever they are) I'm pretty lazy and unfocussed and unmotivated, I heard another voice informing me not to fucking feel guilty -- that I do work hard, and that even if everyone else on the team should be praised too, it doesn't mean I shouldn't.

I'm undecided about this. Mehn, no matter, so long as I get the work done, I suppose.

In other news, I didn't realize till 2:10 this afternoon that I'd spent all morning with my fly down. Thank the sweet baby Jesus I was wearing navy underwear is all I have to say to that.

Okay. Now for psych.

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