January 10th, 18:09 | Now in a letter-writing mood

I just know this is going to end up taking me until I leave, and I'll be mad at myself, since I should be finishing up my don application...but... RecentEx mailed me a letter from when he was in Halifax with his parents over Christmas break. I hadn't had a chance to read it for two days. And it made me all happy and snuggly-warm-feeling, because, really, who doesn't love getting actual, paper letters? I mean email's great, and things, but who doesn't love getting mail, and better still, packages in the mail?

So anyway, I was thinking that I should write him back, and my mind immediately flipped into "[RecentEx-nickname], my love," as an opener for my letter. Which is very much a kind of force of habit thing. I tend to think of him that way in writing. I still don't really know how to address or sign my emails to him.

It made me heartsick. I sat there all mopey and lonely thinking how much I so miss having someone to curl up against and talk to at night. Or someone to look at and smile about in the morning. I miss all the little things that we used to do, when just hanging out, all those familiar things that people do just because they spend so much time together. The shortcuts in conversation and discussion, because there's so much that you can abbreviate to "hm", or single inside-joke-type words. The way you don't need to justify your actions or ask for a lot of things because that person just knows.

In his letter, he was writing about him, a bit, and about his new years. He reminds me a lot of the things that I never need to explain to him, and he even wrote a couple times "but I don't need to explain it, you know what I mean". And I miss him horribly. As a friend. And just as a comfortable presence. It's a little frightening, because I can't be sure I don't actually miss him rather than the comfiness in a relationship... but I'm fairly certain. I mean, all solid, close relationships are like that... right? Right??

At this point, I'm tired of defending myself against WorkBoy's attacks. If he doesn't understand me, I don't have the energy right now to explain.

Kinda forgot about The Three Wise Boys in the previous entry. There are three guys in my building, all in the same type of work, but in different departments. All interns, all computer engineers. Two from UoT, one from Queen's (who was actually on my floor in first year -- we'll call him QBoy). Anyway, they're all very (what I consider) typical; i.e. kinda boring. They will make sure they're in the caf at the same time to eat... but read papers (am I the only one who thinks that's rude??), consider themselves too busy to read anything but can manage to watch sports games and shitty tv, will bitch for hours about what hard work it is to be an engineering student, without giving the benefit of the doubt for arts or science students, even without having taken any such courses. They go on at me about being up-to-date on world events, but don't consider anything related to digital rights important (WTF??). They've classified me as "argumentative" and "loud" (along with "linux freak", but that's another story). Further than that, they haven't the faintest fucking clue.

WorkBoy, after taking me out to bubble tea, began to realize that their perception of me is somewhat one-sided. Well done. (The fact that QBoy informed me yesterday "What?? But you're left-wing!! ...Aren't you???" hammers home the fact that not only have these guys never bothered to figure out who I am, they don't even realize they haven't.) At least this one realizes there's more. It's a shame I haven't the energy to play.

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